Living Instead of Existing

During difficult times many of us find ourselves re-examining our lives. We wonder if all the work and stress we put in everyday is worth it. We wonder if we are living or simply existing. Because of the pandemic lockdown I have been contemplating my life and wondering the same thing. I realized that my routine did not change much because I had been working from home since 2010 already. Yet something was different. I was forced to be home 24/7. To make things worse my mother went into hospice at home as my dad and her had moved in with us in 2015. It was through this time that my life went into existing mode and stayed there until a couple of months ago. My mother transitioned, the pandemic ran its course and I kept existing day by day as my father’s health issues and needs occupied half of my time and work and my own health issues took the other half.

I cannot really tell why it took me so long to realize I had stopped living but I know it had nothing to do with the lock down. Living is a mindset, a way to see and feel things. Although our lives are influenced and affected by our environment and people who surrounds us, we are the ones that control our mindset. We decide every morning when we wake up on how we live and take in our day. Somehow at some point I decided to stop living and was contempt on existing. At some point I decided I existed long enough and began living again. The health issues, pandemic and work are still there but something click in my head and my life began again. Below are things I believe helped me back to living:

• Meditation and Prayer – Everyday I get into my portable steam room to help with my arthritis and fibromyalgia pain. Since I sit there uninterrupted for about an hour. I found it a perfect time to meditate and pray. I think that that practice contributed to get back to living.
• Reading – Reading also helped as it motivates reflection, use of your imagination, and quiets your mind from your surroundings. Some reads also helped me to look within.
• My three dachshunds – Puppies and other pets also help to get in touch with life as they make you laugh; get you annoyed and give you love and demand your attention. Just having to walk the dogs was helpful to connect with neighbors and get me out of mental hibernation.

Sometimes, we do the right things and accomplish a fulfilled life. However, that doesn’t mean we lived our life. To live our life, we must experience the little things. We not only need to do what we must to achieve what we set ourselves to accomplish. We must experience life. Feel the warmth of the sun by noticing how bright shines its light, by noticing the heat inside our car, by making the most of it by taking time to sit outside or go for a walk because it is nice and warm today. Pausing and being present in the moment with all your senses to absorb as much as you can is what living is about.

In short, we exist to live and not the other way around. This is true no matter how bad things are around us. So, what are you waiting for? Stop existing and get on to living your life!